PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
