bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
this beer tastes like vomit already
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
