Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
