we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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