the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he was CRYING into my vagina
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize