So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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