Will you blow on my dice?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
