How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
And then the night went full on bisexual.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
