Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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