Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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