how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize