He uses pillows to masturbate.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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