Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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