if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
