Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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