For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Sorry about my life...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
