I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize