Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
