I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
