By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
