Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
