I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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