when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
