____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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