How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
