i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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