WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I forgot how hot balto sounded
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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