i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
