oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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