my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
