Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
