we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
