I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Four minutes until I can fart!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
