somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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