Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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