Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
