listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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