dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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