broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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