Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
