Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
