dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
