She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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