My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
