you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
even my farts smell like vagina
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize