So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
you never un-have a 4some
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
