I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So much rum. So many feels.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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