I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
