I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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