I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
cat food counts as protein by the way
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
