Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
