So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
