Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
