College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
