so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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