Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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