Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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