I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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