I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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