my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I lost the right to judge tonight
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
