I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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