dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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