im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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