I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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