Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize