after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I need a beard to bite.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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