Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
