I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
