drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
