I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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