after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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