omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
