I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
