Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
