i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
