batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
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